Ecstatic is an understatement of my surprise. Big Red, my first horse, was a
champion show horse in his day. Now, he was mine. To me, there is little equal to the
feeling of freedom when riding on the back of one of those four-legged beauties. Now
that freedom was mine.
One evening I was riding Red and turned him back towards the barn. He turned
on his hind legs and took off like a crazed wild man. But not to the barn. Big Red was
headed through the woods.
I was SCARED to death! In my fear I dropped a rein. Now I had little control
over the situation and knew I was in trouble. I don’t know if he knew where he was going
but I knew! Red was headed for the property line fence. Guess who would take the
nosedive?
I knew that Red would not hurt himself. Me, on the other hand…I was on my
own! I hunkered down as close to his head as I could get so that I didn’t lose my own in
the process. My best hope for safety was to jump.
I jumped…hit the ground…Big Red stopped dead in his tracks! I will never forget
the look on his face as he stared at me laying on the ground. I know I heard him ask:
“what are you doing down there?”
That 35-year-old incident is etched in my mind like yesterday. I think about this
incident when I talk about setting boundaries. That day Big Red didn’t know we were
headed for danger. I knew that danger was eminent. Jumping off a horse is not safe.
Getting thrown over a fence isn’t safe either. Why do you think I chose to jump?
I knew where the boundary line was. I knew those woods. I had walked them
many times. I made the path we were on. I knew the safest spot to jump. Big Red would
take care of himself. I had to take care of me.
Boundaries are more than property lines and fences we build. They are standards
for behavior and actions which help us decide what to allow into our life. In my book
“Cautiously Optimistic – 7 Steps to Survive & Thrive When Your Child is an Addict,”
setting boundaries is Step #2. When our child struggles with addiction we as parents
know of the danger ahead. Often we feel just like I did that day on the back of my horse –
helpless, with little control.
Just like Big Red, our child is going to do what they want to do until they are
ready to stop. They are going to look out for their own self first with little concern for us.
WE must set boundaries for US. We must decide how far we will go. How many times
will we let them come home? How much money will we spend to bail them out of one
more “emergency?” Our hearts break, but our best decision is to control what we can
control – our own life.
It’s a tough situation. But we are called to be tough. We Are Parents!
Do you see the importance of setting boundaries in your life?
